Generated by All in One SEO v4.9.7.2, this is an llms.txt file, used by LLMs to index the site. # A Place to Pause Spiritual Care at Life's Crossroads ## Sitemaps - [XML Sitemap](https://deadraashton.com/sitemap.xml): Contains all public & indexable URLs for this website. ## Posts - [Truth to Tell](https://deadraashton.com/truthtotell/) - [The Longest Night](https://deadraashton.com/the-longest-night/) - It’s not yet 4:30 and already the sun has sunk behind the western hills. The pinkish gray twilight won’t last much longer. I’ve just returned from filling the bird feeder. I was reluctant to come in, so I lingered in the yard listening to a chickadee scolding me for letting the seed level get so low. It was also an opportunity to bask in the day’s few remaining moments of sunshine. They are precious in this dark and cloudy December. Winter solstice – the longest night of the year – is upon us. Keep reading - [Disruption](https://deadraashton.com/disruption/) - Several mid-November snowfalls, just heavy enough to leave a thin layer of white on the ground, caught me off guard. I hadn’t even begun to make the normal winter preparations. Up until a week earlier I’d been clinging to the notion that it was still the height of fall. But getting caught in a snowstorm as my husband and I were trying to fly home from Chicago on Thanksgiving weekend finally disrupted my fantasy. The day after we returned from our Thanksgiving travels I found myself having to shift gears again. Advent, the Christian season of ritualized waiting and preparation to welcome the coming of the divine Light at Christmas, had begun. Advent is my favorite liturgical season. But this year it, too, caught me off guard.Keep reading - [Surreal Equinox](https://deadraashton.com/surreal-equinox/) - Spring equinox – the time when the hours of daylight and darkness are equal – arrived just a couple of weeks ago. It should be a time of balance. Yet I feel decidedly unbalanced, like I’m living in a Picasso painting. Everything seems stretched and elongated, nothing is where you expect it to be, things that belong above are below and vice versa. “Surreal” is the best description I can come up with. Our government continues to unravel at an astonishing pace, and for no good reason.. Keep reading - [A New Routine](https://deadraashton.com/a-new-routine/) - We’ve begun the fifth week filled with chaos, confusion, and fear, and I'm at a loss for words. Until now my primary coping strategy has been to try to understand the “why” behind what’s happening and then explain it in a rational way. But these days that’s not working. So, I’ve had to create a new daily rhythm and routine. To help me stay grounded I find that I need to include these basic practices every day..Keep reading - [Shield the Joyous](https://deadraashton.com/shield-the-joyous/) - I’ve just had one of those difficult nights. It’s the kind where I keep waking up, tossing and turning. I try to relax, but the harder I try, the harder it is to fall asleep again. Lingering items on the “to-do list” spring to life and wander the murky terrain of my mind. Regrets emerge from the shadows like Jacob Marley dragging his chains. All the while I’m well aware that most of the things plaguing me at that hour are completely ridiculous and wouldn’t hold up in the light of day. And before I know it I’m caught in a spiral of self-judgment as my inner critic scolds me for worrying about these things at the timeKeep reading - [Stuck in the Future](https://deadraashton.com/stuck-in-the-future/) - Lately I’m finding myself stuck in the future. The results of the election threw me for a loop. In the weeks since we learned the results, I’ve chased every imaginable dire scenario down its respective rabbit hole. I’ve fretted and worried and worked up a lather of panic. “What if…” I keep wondering. And in my head, I start time-traveling to 2025 and beyond – a very murky, cloudy place at best. Before I know it, I’m held hostage by my imagination as I dream up all of the ways that our country is going to collapse and take the rest of the world with it. Sadly, my anxious little brainKeep reading - [Stress Walk](https://deadraashton.com/stress-walk/) - These days I’ve been on edge more than normal. There are a number of factors that could be contributing to my anxiety. But I’m sure that first on the list is the election that’s only days away. Not so long ago I became angry and frustrated after spending too much time in my political echo chamber of choice. My initial response was to rage around the house muttering and sputtering. Realizing that I needed a more constructive outlet, I stomped out to the mud room, put on my boots and jacket and charged down the hill for a three-and-a-half-mile walk. And then something shifted. I began to notice Keep reading - [Imperfect Saint](https://deadraashton.com/imperfect-saint/) - As I sit down to write this, it’s late afternoon. But the sky is darkening as if night is falling. A storm is brewing. Nothing is stirring. It’s the literal calm before the storm. The scene outside my window mirrors the churning in my soul whenever I try to make sense of the news these days. In order to cope with the endless stream of unsettling events, I find myself seeking out inspirational and comforting words. And earlier this week I stumbled on just the thing...Keep reading - [What Lies Beneath](https://deadraashton.com/what-lies-beneath/) - Several years ago, we had the barn that was attached to the north end of our house torn down and replaced by a more usable structure. For the entire summer there was a trench along the east side of our house, rimmed by a mound of dirt. After the first serious rain the newly dug trench and ridges were dotted with chunks of pottery that had been cast aside by former owners of our house. And not just pottery, but glass shards, handwrought ironware, and even a few animal bones found their way to the top of the dirt after decades of lying undisturbed below. Recently I’ve been feeling like I’m back in the trench discovering bits and pieces of lives lived decades ago. But my current trench can’t be found around the foundation of the house. Rather, it’s inside my head and heart. Keep reading - [Our Lady of the Workbench](https://deadraashton.com/our-lady-of-the-workbench/) - I did not grow up in a household of churchgoers. When I was a child, if I wanted to go to church – and I did, to the local Methodist church – I was on my own. So imagine my surprise when, while cleaning out my parents’ home, I came face to face with this icon of Mary hanging above my father’s workbench. It was shortly after my mother died, just ten months after my father’s death. Suddenly my brother and I were confronted with all of our parents’ earthly possessions Keep reading - [Path of Totality](https://deadraashton.com/path-of-totality/) - My husband Chuck had been making plans for last Monday’s solar eclipse since 2017. Part of those preparations included determining the optimal place to experience the longest period of totality. Criteria included maximum duration of darkness, unobstructed views of the sky, in a setting within less than half a day’s drive from home with overnight accommodations. The winner turned out to be a ski resort in the far northern reaches of Vermont. This is not a place... Keep reading - [Transition](https://deadraashton.com/transition/) - Our daffodils seem to have made a commitment. They’ve broken through the layers of frosty dirt and there’s no going back now. The vernal equinox has come and gone. Here in Vermont there’s still snow on the ground in some places. And lots of mud in others. Earlier in the week the temperature was almost balmy, but today the wind carries a chill reminiscent of January. As I write this we are preparing for a nor’easter that promises to dump a foot of heavy wet snow. Yet through it all the daffodils – the cheery yellow harbingers of warm weather... - [The Last Suit](https://deadraashton.com/the-last-suit/) - Lent has begun and I find myself gripped by an inexplicable urge to clean my closet. For those who observe the six-week period of Lent, it’s a time of introspection and reflection, a time of eliminating that which separates us from God. Traditionally this has meant giving up something – particularly something that seems self-indulgent, - [Valentine](https://deadraashton.com/valentine/) - My great-grandfather was born on February 14. His parents named him Valentine and his friends called him Val. The card in the photo is one of his combo Valentine’s Day/Birthday cards. I vaguely remember seeing it in an old album when I was a kid and recognizing that the message was that people were thinking - [My Ghost](https://deadraashton.com/my-ghost/) - Imagine leaving all of the unpleasant things from the old year behind and just starting all over again in the new year. Now that we’ve entered the second month of 2024 I’m aware of the 2023 residue that clings – wars, extreme weather, lingering effects of the pandemic, political animosity. To say that we’re living - [My Mother's Apron](https://deadraashton.com/my-mothers-apron/) - Some years ago, I was going through a stack of hastily packed boxes of my parents’ memorabilia. Even though I had no idea what they contained, I was surprised to find what appeared to be a fragment of a denim apron. It was torn at the waist, with a pocket on the right side and metal rivets with bits of twine that likely once tied it in the back. I had no idea where it came from, or, honestly which of my parents it belonged to. However, as I dug through the box, I found a photo of my mother wearing what I realized was the full apron. Though I’d never seen the setting of the photo, it wasn’t tough to figure out that it was the factory where she worked. When my mother reached her 18th birthday... - [Tomatoes](https://deadraashton.com/tomatoes/) - A few weeks ago, while visiting one of our favorite booths at the local farmers market, I was delighted to see a basket full of just-picked vine-ripened tomatoes. Because I avoid buying what passes for “fresh” tomatoes in the supermarket (which are almost always a pathetic shade of washed-out pink with a mealy texture), I couldn’t wait to sink my teeth into one of these beauties. As I held one, I was momentarily transported to a different time and place… Keep reading - [Take Your Time](https://deadraashton.com/take-your-time/) - “Take your time, Deadra,” my massage therapist said, just as she finished undoing the tension I held in my shoulders and jaw. Her words startled me – nobody else was saying anything like that to me at the time. When she told me that she was leaving the room, she added that I didn’t have to rush. "Take your time." What an amazing invitation; a gift... Keep reading - [Lilies](https://deadraashton.com/lilies/) - I never thought I be reassured by lilies, until… The morning of July 10 my husband and I drove home from spending a weekend in the Adirondacks. The skies were ominous, the weather forecast dire, but the rain hadn’t yet begun to fall. Even so, we knew that some roads were already closed. But from what we could see, none of the roads we planned to travel had been affected by the worsening storm. So, we were surprised when a little more than halfway home, we came to the place where one of the roads we depended on was closed. Keep reading - [Treasures of Darkness](https://deadraashton.com/treasures-of-darkness/) - I will give you the treasures of darkness…” (Isaiah 45:3) When I was a child, I was afraid of the dark. I was certain that hideous creatures lurked in the shadows, ready to pounce the minute I let down my guard. At bedtime I insisted that the hall light outside my bedroom door remain lit until after I fell asleep, convinced that it would keep the other-worldly beings at bay. Like most children, I eventually outgrew the need Keep reading - [Mud!](https://deadraashton.com/mud/) - The T-intersection where our gravel road intersects with the main gravel road leading to the paved roads (three miles away in one direction, about a half mile the other) is as mucky and mired as I’ve ever seen it. Even though it's showing signs of beginning to ease, Mud Season in Central Vermont persists. There are things I dread this time of year, starting with the rapid cycle of thawing-freezing-thawing that ensures you never know what you will encounter on any road, even if you had traveled it just hours earlier. On the way down the hill, you might be bumping along on what seem to be valleys and peaks deeply etched into the solidly frozen ground by the tires of vehicles great and small. Then, just an hour or so later, as you travel back up the same road Keep reading - [House of Grief](https://deadraashton.com/house-of-grief/) - Earlier this year I visited the Winchester Mystery House in San Jose, California. Built by Sarah Winchester (1839-1922), the widow of William Winchester, heir to the Winchester rifle fortune, it’s famous for its staircases that lead nowhere and windows that look out onto brick walls just inches away. This house is an unwieldy affair. Any attempt to navigate it without a guide and you’re sure to get lost in its endless tangle of rooms and hallways that don’t align in any logical way. They just go on, and on Keep reading - [Winter Again](https://deadraashton.com/winter-again/) - As I write this, we’re in the process of clearing snow dropped on our region by back-to-back storms. Of course, this is to be expected in early March. But a week earlier I had allowed myself to be lulled into a false expectation that spring had all but arrived and settled in. There were days in February when temperatures were in the 40s, nipping at the heels of 50. Snow and ice were melting, and mud was emerging on gravel roads – a sure sign of spring. To me, this is very much the season of “midwinter spring” that Eliot describes. It can seem as if we’re caught in an endless loop of winter one day, spring the next, then back to winter.Keep reading - [Winter Surfing](https://deadraashton.com/winter-surfing/) - The first time I saw people surfing off Maine’s frigid North Atlantic shore in the middle of February, I thought they were crazy. The water temperature was around 39° and the air temperature was in the teens. Yet, there they were, paddling out to where the waves were breaking, and then riding them back to shore. Again, and again, and again. What are they thinking, I wondered? This is nuts! I had formed an instant opinion of these surfers– and it wasn’t a positive one. But I’ve since changed my mind.Keep reading - [Turn of Winter](https://deadraashton.com/turn-of-winter/) - “Do you have half of your wood left?” our neighbor who lived down the road and up the adjacent hill asked as he pulled out of our snow-dusted driveway. “There’s still a way to go this winter.” He and his wife were among the first people we met when we bought our house. Being from suburban New Jersey, we had no real idea how to manage Vermont winters. But kind people like our neighbor were generous with advice, which generally came at unexpected times – like that night, when we were driving to a choral rehearsal.Keep reading - [One Good Thing](https://deadraashton.com/one-good-thing/) - “You’ll never make everybody happy.” “Don’t do other people’s jobs for them.” “We’ve been doing it this way for years; we’re not going to change now.” Like many newly minted ministers, the people in my first churches taught me far more than I could possibly have taught them. Their lessons have stuck with me over my decades of pastoral work. But one gem in particular stands out. I’ve shared with more people than I can count. “I look for a good thing – just one small, good thing – each day and hold on to it. Keep reading - [Angel at Our Door](https://deadraashton.com/angel-at-our-door/) - It’s Christmas and our power is out. Like so many others, our area was hit by a powerful storm that featured everything from unseasonably warm temperatures and rain to a rapid chill with fierce winds. That’s a recipe for a power outage. But we’re among the lucky ones. We have a generator that supplies enough power to keep us warm and well-lit. Until it didn’t. After running continuously for more than 24 hours, it quit. Keep reading - [Holding Hope](https://deadraashton.com/holding-hope/) - I received the paperweight in this photo more than 40 years ago during what had just become the darkest Advent season of my life. “This is a gift from Mrs. McCord and me,” the president of Princeton Seminary said to me as he pressed it in my hand. A freak accident had injured my (at that time) husband, and radically altered the course of both of our lives. Sitting in the hospital chapel, having just received the news and allowing the gravity of the situation sink in, I was surprised to look up and see President McCord slide into the pew beside me. “I’m here to pray with you,” he said. Keep reading - [Letting Go](https://deadraashton.com/letting-go/) - It’s hard to believe that it’s been nearly five years since a major renovation to our house was nearing completion. As I look back, I’m thinking about what that project taught me – lessons about far more than tearing down and rebuilding physical structures. That project taught me not to fear letting go of what no longer works in my life, whether it’s a job I’ve outgrown, a toxic relationship, or a living situation that no longer meets my needs. Letting go means leaving behind what has become familiar and comfortable, even though it may have long since ceased being useful or lifegiving. It means stepping into the new and unknown. That can be overwhelming and frightening. Keep reading - [Speak Tenderly...](https://deadraashton.com/speak-tenderly/) - I'm tired. I hear this every day. I hear it from family caregivers who miss the opportunities for the much needed breaks they once had in the "Before Times" when people could come into their home to relieve them for a few hours. I hear it from the newly bereaved whose grief is complicated by - [Gratitude](https://deadraashton.com/gratitude/) - Expressing gratitude is something I had always taken for granted. By that I mean that I just did it when I remembered (like sending thank-you notes), but otherwise didn’t think much about it. I certainly never considered expressing gratitude to be a spiritual discipline. And the possibility that such expressions might be therapeutic never occurred to me. But recently that changed Keep reading - [Anxious](https://deadraashton.com/anxious/) - Have you ever noticed that anxiety seems to have a life of its own? When I’m anxious I have a sense of a storm growing inside me. My thoughts run away from me, creating a doomsday scenario of ferocious winds whipping up dark clouds and heavy seas into a fearsome storm. Over the years, what I’ve found most helpful is to develop self-awareness. In other words, to both pay attention and to, and detach from, what’s going inside my head. Keep reading - [Overwhelmed](https://deadraashton.com/overwhelmed/) - A few days ago, as I was going through boxes that hadn’t been opened in years, I ran across this little sculpture that my daughter made in a high school pottery class. As I held this little figure in my hand I was transported back to that time in my life. I was a single parent with one child in high school and another in college. And I held a high-pressure job for which I wasn’t particularly well-suited, but which paid the bills. It always seemed that the days were a blur of scheduling activities, carpooling, and traveling around the country for work. Keep reading - [Facing Grief](https://deadraashton.com/facing-grief/) - Our apple tree is losing its leaves. It's far too early in the season for this to be happening. Now, it must be said that this thought comes to me every year. Some of the leaves on this particular tree often start to yellow at the very end of July or early August, their weariness increasing gradually through September until they can no longer hold on and finally, fall to the ground. But this year seems different. I can't explain why; perhaps it's due to the unusually hot and dry conditions we've experienced this summer. - [Lilac's Lesson](https://deadraashton.com/guidance_from_my_garden/) - It's June and the chervil is in full bloom. Oh, those delicate white flowers might look harmless enough. And a single flower may well be of no consequence. But this noxious weed multiplies quickly and can grow to a stunning six feet. It fills the field beside my yard. All I can see behind my - [O Come, O Come Emmanuel](https://deadraashton.com/o-come-o-come-emmanuel/) - It's the fourth Sunday of Advent, a day that falls pretty much in the middle of my favorite period in the season - the week of the O Antiphons. The O Antiphons are verses that are sung or chanted at vespers from December 17-23. They are called the O Antiphons because each of these short - [Imagining Christmas](https://deadraashton.com/imagining-christmas/) - To refresh your memory of the ancient story that holds us all enthrall this time of year, read Luke 1:2-55; 2:1-20. As you reflect on the Christmas readings from Luke's gospel, I invite you to use your imagination to call to mind and into your heart some of the people who have been important to ## Pages - [Welcome](https://deadraashton.com/) - “Stand at the crossroads and look, and ask for the ancient paths, where the good way lies; and walk in it and find rest for your souls…" Jeremiah 6:16 As an avid walker and hiker, I’m constantly reminded that - [Contact](https://deadraashton.com/contact/) - Have questions? Reach out with the form below! - [About](https://deadraashton.com/about/) - Rev. Deadra Bachorik Ashton As a spiritual director, chaplain, pastor, and retreat leader, I have been providing spiritual care for more than 30 years. I earned my Master of Divinity degree at Princeton Theological Seminary and was ordained by the Presbyterian Church (USA). A parish minister for 20 years, I served churches in Burlington and ## Categories - [Uncategorized](https://deadraashton.com/category/uncategorized/) - [Mystics and Saints](https://deadraashton.com/category/mystics-and-saints/) - [Spiritual Life](https://deadraashton.com/category/spiritual-life/) - [Avocation](https://deadraashton.com/category/just-for-fun/) - [Personal Growth](https://deadraashton.com/category/personal-growth/)